Turpin Time

Sorry folks, this time Goliath wins

Posted by: Jim Turpin

Sunday, January 18, 2009 11:38 AM

     Goliath was a 9-foot tall soldier from East Lansing.

     He bragged that he could beat any intruder who invaded his home.  Indeed, 27 times in a row they had tried and failed.  He was ready for number 28.

     David was a young shepherd boy who believed he and his slingshot and five stones could handle the big guy.  But, just in case David brought along some helpers:  Chester, Trent, Demetri, Mike & Mike, Alex, Calvin, Jeffrey, Dominique, and Richard.  

     Goliath - just to make it even - solicited the help of several thousand Philistines.  Their job was not to fight - but to stand and yell like crazy - and make fun of David's blue-clad helpers.

     The fight started out just fine.   David and his guys seemed to be winning about half way through the battle - Goliath was groggy, but wouldn't go down.  

     The problem was this:  David's two best long throwers - Trent and Demetri - were tossing up, well, they were tossing up ROCKS.   Fourteen times they tried to connect, but only one small rock found its mark.  

     Alex and Calvin were having more luck, but sometimes they would just drop the rock on their own toes or step out of the designated rock-throwing area.     To make matters worse, Goliath was grabbing every missed rock-toss on the rebound and stuffing it in the designated hole.   As the fight wore on it became apparent that a knock-out throw from David or his helpers would not be forthcoming.  

     In the final minutes, Goliath pranced, snarled, and stood tall as the rocks flew by him - nary a one landing on his forehead - the spot David claimed would be the clincher.   The thousands of Goliath backers yelled so loud that it gave Bruuuuuuuuuce - the boss of the helpers - a big headache.   When Mike threw the towel - or threw in the towel  according to Chester - Bruuuuuuuuuce was not a happy boss.

     So, the helpers said good-bye to David and headed home.  Perhaps they will have better luck against a buckeye and/or a badger this week.

     Now, Goliath, like Gulliver can't stay at home forever.  He won't have to visit Lilliput, Brobdingnag, Glubdubdrib, or Luggnagg, as Gulliver did, but he will have to visit Champaign, Illinois, on either February 28th or March lst.

     The helpers should begin collecting rocks right now.

    

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