Call me Ishmael.  It is 1851 and I have signed on with Capt. Ahab on the good ship Pequod in search of the Great White Shark - Moby Dick.

     Call me Juice.  It is 2009 - my senior year - and I have signed on with Capt. Zook on the good ship Illini in search of the Great Title - Big 10 championship.

     Originally Ishmael thought he had signed on for a routine mission, but later learned that Capt Ahab had tangled with the Great White Shark before - and had lost a leg and his ship in the process.

     Juice thought he had his senior year all figured out, especially after a successful quest just two years ago - going to the Rose Bowl.   But, Capt. Zook brought on a new mate from Texas to run Juice's show.  Juice's previous leader had sailed off to New Mexico.

     Capt. Ahab is bent on revenge and he intends to get Moby Dick.  But Ahab demonstrates erratic behavior from the beginning of the voyage and his eccentricities magnify.

     Capt. Zook begins to show erratic behavior as well and pretty soon Juice is washing dishes in the galley and Eddie goes to the upper deck to look for the Great Title.   Quickly Eddie demonstrates that he is no better than his mate Juice and Capt. Zook tells them to switch places again.   "I don't know what's wrong and I don't know how to fix it," says Capt. Zook sadly.

     Capt. Ahab, upon spotting the Great White Shark, sends Ishmael and his crewmates out in a little boat - in raging waters - to attack the GWS.   The little boat is no match for the GWS and Capt. Ahab winds up strapped to the GWS by a harpoon line.

     Capt. Zook, upon spotting the Great Title, sends Juice, Eddie, and their crewmates into battle with a badly damaged harpoon.  Capt. Zook says, "I thought they knew how to handle the harpoon that we gave them, but for some reason it didn't work.  I don't know what's wrong and I don't know how to fix it."

     The end of the Moby Dick story is tragic.  It ended in deep water.

     The end of the Great Title quest is tragic as well.  It ended in land-locked Bloomington, Indiana with Capt. Zook in deep doo-doo.

     (Editor's note:  Actually it ended long before that.)